sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
