I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's shark week go big or go home
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
