I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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