You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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