i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
