Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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