i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
