He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
