I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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