1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I am available for nakedness
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
