Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
