Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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