She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize