If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
