I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
