Buhtt sex?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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