I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I deserve this hangover.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
