at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
