Please, let me fuck your mom
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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