no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
