Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
