please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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