Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
