mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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