I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
