So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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