Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
one might say we're banned from that church
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
