That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
