Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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