Just fell off a train. Bad.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
