I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
