And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
