Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
