Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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