party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Drunk is not a location!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
