I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Randomize
