This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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