we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
