Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
false alarm. still invincible.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
