yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
