don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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