This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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