when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
