Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
