Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
