Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
