I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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