Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize