It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
