So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
