We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He better not be in your backpack
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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