If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
