Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
