we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize