He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
