I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
