I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
