What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
