it's too hot outside to masturbate.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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