If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
