dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
