Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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