my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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