apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
