Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
