Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
