why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
