Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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